now then and forever?

Been busy,... will still be busyyy!
OMG!!! All those workload are scaring me or excites me NOt!!!

Congratulation to Papa!

Today was my first time attending the Angkat Sumpah of Papa (my dad inlaw) new post as the Federal Court Judge. Congratulation!
It was a very memorable event where I got to meet all our most honorable judge of Malaysia.. It was also my first visit to the Palace of Justice in Putrajaya.... CAntekkk nye his office!
I was excited, as always... but Papa was calm.. He was first to angkat sumpah.
It was in such a different ambiance and environment, I felt comparing to the military;s.. how la can I put the justice and military side by side rite...
Judges these days are really funky! I saw one judge with blue grey hair.. one with the silverish green hair... the one with the red color spectacle; that's papa! Then, the red hair lady judge!
Wallauwey! I was impressed!
Ya yaa.. I was more interested of luring my eyes on all these judges, not forgeting their families whose also sitting behind us..

Today in the morning, I was organizing the signing ceremony of my company with BGSP, JUPEM.. It was really hectic these days.. I dunno where to begin.. But, attending Papa's Angkat Sumpah had made me forgoten my real world! Darm!

So, yeah.. I am really tired now... Goodbye today!

being inconvinient in this world today (yesterday actually)

why do ppl being inconvinient in this such convinient world?
I was wondering as i was driving home after dropping a fellow mate home from work
she leaves near my home.. good to have a companion driving home to talk to, u know.
NWay, today was such a hard time for me.
Its been a while
but usually i would have a huge supportor behind me..
ya... i kindda ponder myself of the past again.
its another challenge of my life in my new universe.
It seems farmiliar, but its even tougher.

Having my bump on my tummy enhance it even more,
till i feel its like another excuse to cover up my fear.
Well, i kindda had such a breakdown..
Almost, which by just a momment of silence today,
it kindda gave some wrong expression to these very very concern ppl.
Its ok that i'm busy.
Its ok that i'm being judged over such small matter.
Its ok that i'm being sarcasm.
I'm ok, and will be ok after i had my time to express it here..

However, its a different story when i got home..
My jjourney will never end..
its hurt.. but it will never end...
will never end.. or will start yet another journey of mylife..
I'm apreciating every moment eventhough its just me facing it.
Its ok, i'll be fine..

Like my Aunty Ti always remind me...
Dont look at urself alone over the problem you are encounter..
Look around.. other ppl having much much trouble of their life.
Yet, they are strong, yet they are living, yet they are happy.
Take a day by day.
Take an hour by hour..
Take a minute by minute..
Appreciate it and thanked over it..
Or you'll end up regreting each of it!

But today is really one of those days which i always had my cramps
on my 1st day of PMS.
But, this time it could also been my pregnancy..
Bare with it.

3 Months 1 day...

Ohh my god! Its was such a journey which I couldn't imagine how mothers does it!!?!

I am grateful that I am still hangin here. Though I kindda pissed when I was informed my MC is over my limit...but being me now, I wouldnt mind, even that they would fire me.. I wwouldnt mind at all (Yayaya.. Aqma would say... whats new la babe!? ahahahha miss that too..)

Anyway, this discomfort and unpredicting sickness is really got me this time.. I was even admitted into the UMRA ward due to dehydration. One day I was in the ward watching 2 bottles of water streaming through my vein. Monday 17th August that day.

Shishhh! I had lot of work that I couldnt concentrate on.

I really hope my baby will be fine. Insyaallahh I am trying my best here. Amin.

Mean Monday..!

Ya.. what a day to start of on this bluddy Monday..

Or was it just me being hormonized to even upload here my feelings...

I started early today, where I felt the cramp, gastric, pocking... all over my tummy...

Yes! Excitedly I am 8 weeks and 3 days preggy today...

I came to office late.. luckily having a very understanding boss... and I know I will not take any advantage over this... will not due to my respect to the team!

Yet! Some ppl had to give a remark stating that whateve I am feeling today, in these few weeks of preggy; I shouldn't be getting this type of sick YE^T... not suppose to happen at me..being curious..?

WTF? Do I fake this? Do I want this? I do want it... I do want to be preggy.. I'm even blessed to have this sickness because I know its for a good cause...

But wonder why this ppl make such accusation: (Now rationally)

• Concern over my frequent sickness.


• Didn't figure out that this is my 1st preggy from after my second attempt. ( Tot everyone here knew already?)


• Misses me when I'm not around in the office?


• Scared I didn't finished any of my task, probably I am not up to some ppl expectations.


• Hate to rerectified my wonder of works which FYI, its my first experince.


• Feeling curious whether I am sick or fake.

So, I guess its just me being hormonized over..

Sorry that I didn't mean to hurt anyone... but I kindda pissed off today... But, at least I didn't show it through my dull face here, aite.

Probabbly its just this mean mean Monday!

Hello ASUS again..

Hello ASUS again, not any ASUS my 'homey lappy' ASUS..
Its been awhile, I won't compare with my '8 hrs lapp'; HP in the office which sometimes I do had to bring it home. Not to show off or being a traitor to my dear dear ASUS..
Please ASUS forgive me, I do miss you much.

Well today I'll massage u more then u can imagine.. I'll touch every keys u offers me..
I'll tender u to my sleeps.. No worries, though my homework in HP are really bugging me. I will be with you toonite.. So, tonite is the nite when two become onee... (Spice Girls)

Eventually I had a cravings today. Craved for fruits. After work today, knowing hubby won't be home tonite. I stopped at our favorite grocery mart.. Village Grocery in Bangsar Village... I bought all the fruits on sale which exclusively on strawberries, blueberries, red kiwi and pears.. Ohhh, its wierd that I didn't pick up the banana just now. I was thinking of it before arrived.. But, its my ego saying that "Darm, if the mat salleh (which probably some supermodel) duk beli banyak2, I also nak beli la" Chewah.. blagak! Melayu Blagak this time I was.. Ahahahah

Doing fine, doing ok ok

Today will be my 1 month and 21 days I'm adapting in my new workplace.

Its exciting when I was starting here, still exciting due to my involvement into new genre of workscope... However, due to my preggy condition I kindda suddenly solemn myself to mute.

Nothing was affecting me... a frined of mine was concern and taught that I was having problem with work or something else.. But, I was so scared to be excite over my preggy condition.

So, as far as I can say.. I am ok... the preggy is ok, Insyaallahh... I wish myself and hubby the best.. We both wanted the best but only Allah knows what's the best of us..

I'll be fine.. no worries....

Calsuim

Yesterday I was on MC, today too I'm on MC....
After meeting wid our Dr. Zainuriah (Klinik Keluarga) she reminded me on the requirements of Milk.. for Calsium...
I refused, but in the sameway I feel then needs too.. Due to the fact that I could hear the rusty sound on my knees, my connector of elbow and arm... arrghh what the heck!?
So, today this morning.. I woke up... teared out some cheese slice and tried to nibble......
I vomit like mad! All the cereal I ate gone into the sink and toilet bowl... yucks!
So..... calsium??? i tot my other doc (Dr. Ummul) said it shouldnt be a problem.... she gonna subcribe me some calsium supliments after my trimesters fiinished....
But, I know for real that the milk are the most efective calsium provider... Just that I couldnt take any milk...
My Hubby kept telling its a psycology that I made mind to hate the milk's smell..
Please la... I haven't took any milk since I was form 3, ok! Its a fact!
I cant even smell any milky product... I'll vomit... so, imagine taking the milk by itself... YUCKS!
Help! help! I dunno what to do.... I scared that it will effect my infant.. my dear dear infant...
I hope it will be fine.. yet I am worried that I do need CALSIUM!!!

My Lovely 1st Trimester: 6 weeks 5 days

I am in a discomfort condition...

Near my desk(temporary workstation), I could smell something annoying... Could it be my fried rice that I just finished the other quarter.. Ya, now days I tend to eat breakfast halfway.. then, I'll continued it during lunch time... If I feel like it... If not, I would just tapau or follow anybody downstairs.. depending on my mood...sigh.. ya ya mood swing ppl!

Then, hows work affecting me? Or hows me affecting the work? heheh so far ok la... I kindda blurr more, which made me follow all instructions given. Yes, usually I'll would questions or redirect my task to others.. now, I dont.. With much effect, I will do my best,,.. but later when I make a comparison with my team, I am by far to catch up.. God knows!

However, I am very to myself. I pushed myself aside.. I am very2 hushed away.. I hushed myself away.. I dont feel like talking to anyone. But, when I did, I'll go bazzar, depending on my mood.

Oh ya! Not forgeting that on Monday 13th July (My weekly appointment with Gynea started already, yey!) Hubby and I saw our fetus heartbeat! Hubby can't stop smilling till today. Alhamdullillah. We both disbelieving what again we had accomplished in our life. But, don't excite to much, we keep reminding ourselves.

However, I am handling my heartburn, gastric, blooting tummy with alot of smile.. hhehehh I remembered that I used to tell hubby how I missed this feeling before... Ya Allah, hanya kau yg ketahui betapa syukur kami menerima pujian mu ini...

Anyway, I will continue enjoying my heartburn, gastric, blooting tummy. I wiill not necglated this feeling and will adore it more. Yes being hypothetically, but worth it!

There goes my lunch break. Ciao

Anxiety filled with thrill, overwelmed by Joyy..

AMin..Alhamdulliahhh... Allah giving us both his bless again, don't take it wrongly cause I know that I'm blessed unconditionally without any doubt. But these days was another greatest day which I feel I'm specially choosen...

Again without no hesitations I feel in this world, life has been blessed for all the gracious given.

[Yes, repeatation of statement are annoying but, I can't help it]

Yesterday, was such a shocked for me that I found myself positive again! Yey! 6 months has passed given me such a wonderful experience in my life, work wise especially. I was adjusting myself, yes! Well I wouldn't expect much, but I feel that the new friend are nice, they get my tunes so far. I am doing fine and great! Alhamdulliallhh.

Back to yesterday, I went through such a tough time.. which I suddenly drop into such a blow of emotions... ya ya.. me with my cries... I kan chengeng! My new friend had to hear it due to my hubby as usual forgot to switched on his hp... and was in a meeting.. I couldn't get him, to express my happiness and nervourness. I cried unhelplessly at a carpark to my new friend Ila... I thanked her for the lending ears..huhuhuh malu pon ada gak... Coincident I kindda heading to office but decide to go meet my gynea instead.. [My point is that I kindda want my team to know whre my wherebouts are, she's like Aqma in NMSB laa] Now its more of obvious how 'chengngeng' I am, rite... But, I do thank to her and my boss for always prey and encouragements.. Well, they've been motivates me (who's always in blurr to their mocks..ahhaha, takpe tunggu nanti my trucolors dah kuar... takpe,takpe..), not forgeting my goodfriends all... a long list of fiens..

Yesterday, hubby got the news while he was in the office... he said, he was in a meeting and as soon he (finally!) switched on his phone, he almost felt from his chair... ahhahahha shocked!

We wanted this to be private.. So, I will try my best to keep it down for awhile...

I hope, this time I'll do my best again... I redha dengan apa ketentuan tuhan.. InsyaAllah..

[I know that I shouldn't publish this yet, but I kindda figure when?.. We'll see ok my dear Me!]